We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. Out with the old, in with the new, cheers to the future, and all that we do. Best. Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. Heres to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. And may your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot. Heres to the man who is wisest and best Heres to the man who with judgment is the best, And, heres to the man whos as smart as can be I drink to the man who agrees with me! 30. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Another day another bender. Heres hoping you live forever. 91.) 12. Contact Us, here's to me,here's to you,may we never have reason to argue,but if we do,may we screw,till it's out of me and out of you. Heres to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve. Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, Heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. 23. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. 90.) 64.) To Men. I wont. As you look back at the recent pages of your life, take comfort and pride in your achievements. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Many Irish drinking toasts, for example, will be completely inappropriate for a large wedding reception. 65.) 23.) Everything they say, and everything . 84.) When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 42.) A well-delivered toast can mean the difference between a good night and a great night. 22.) This could . Heres to love, laughter, and happily ever after. 14.) Who loves not women, wine, and song, he will be a fool his whole life long. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. Pain makes you stronger. 97.) The past is always tense, the future perfect. Many of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. If it does, lets hope were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. Irish Drinking Toasts. And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. Heres to steak when youre hungry Whiskey when youre dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you . 17.) 71.) Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. MGrooms94 10 yr. ago. May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. 3.) ToastsforMen | ToastsforWomen | GayToasts | ToastAnecdotes | BawdyDefinitions | AntiquatedBawdyToasts | BawdyGermanToasts | CheersBigEars Here's to each lad and his darlin' Colleen. All glasses off the table! Happy birthday! May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. 10. 26.) poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! 57.) Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. Pain makes you stronger. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Heres to your good health. Here's to the year past and friends who have left us. 79.) Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 15.) Heres to your liver! Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. 36. Congratulations, buddy! Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, Is most entitled to it; For if anything drives men to drink, She certainly can do it. 31. (Mark Twain). But please don't tell his wife! Poems are hard. What did the beer sing on the beach? An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p. Heres to staying positive and testing negative! Here's to me! May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. or Getz II or the other bawdy miscellanies. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. . 4.) "To our wives and girlfriends. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant hold his liquor. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there." "I drank to your health in company. When the glass is full, Drink up! Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. A tennis ball walks into a bar. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon. "Here's to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat." 3. 10. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." 6. Heres to love for which there is no cure except to marry. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. May the best of your past be the worse of your future. Always a good one to bring up as a wedding toast. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. Here's to the New Year and the new friends who will join us. May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Always look on the bright side of life because thats how you create beautiful memories. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. Ive lost three days already. By S.J. A quick death and an easy one. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife. To my schizophrenic friend. A Bachelorette Party Toast - To String. 16. 6. Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. I drank to your health alone. This one is a little goofy but what good would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option! 9. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W. May they never stop. Here's to the ones we love dearest and most. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. May it live as long as you last. Heres to all the days that end in Y. 27. My favorite has to be: Heres to hell, hope my stay there is as fun as my way there, To the men over sees and to the women on their knees, Heres to two things I dont fuck with, rattle snakes and condoms, Heres to courage. below:Here's to me. I drank to your health in company. 7. 40.) May you always have love in your hearts and champagne in your belly. 33. Home | Tears make you braver. On your birthday, remember: dont drink and tattoo. Tears make you braver. Smart, sophisticated, friendly, and beautiful Now that's enough about me Here's a toast to you my dear friend! Patrick Dennis Damn the Torpedoes Steady your glasses Beer nuts are $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck. May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. 2.) how smart, or how cute she is. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. The past won't mind. 13.) May they never meet." 3. To Hell. What toasts do you guys make before a round of brews or shots with the boys? I am as ever in bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today. So she gets a divorce. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. There is no set rule for starting a toast. May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne. -Maurice Chevalier, Related: Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. 10. Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. May the very best of your past being the very worst of your future. Over the teeth and over the gums. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. On your birthday, I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and want you to know that we all are proud of you and love you dearly. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. They say you cant find happiness at the bottom of a beer. Heres to you. 3.) A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.Two pints, please. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. 15. From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. "May you live as . A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? Heres to staying positive and testing negative, Heres to pussy and gun powder, live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both of em., How the fuck do you drink toast. 24.) Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. Hes good people. Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. "May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.". No retreat, no surrender. 21.) Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. The Bar With The Boys"). "Trust me: You can dance Alcohol." Unknown "Responsible Drinking? Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. All rights reserved. Three I'm under the table. May we kiss who we please, And please who we kiss. Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. Heres to the heat. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. But now I cannot think about it. What have eight arms and an IQ of 60? Heres to clean glasses and old corks. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. However, the bar is crowded, and he doesnt want to leave his full beer on the bar because hes afraid someone will drink it. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. See more ideas about drinking toasts, drinking quotes, funny toasts. All the rest can go to hell. Try this one at your next bachelorette party. Never look at your beer as half empty. Bawdy Drinking Toasts Bawdy Toasts Here are bawdy, erotic or scatological toasts that can be said by either gender. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! 2. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. 19. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. For toasts that are primarily for men click here ; for toasts that are primarily for women click here . What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. The warmth of home and hearth to you. You may also enjoy the following drinking lists: 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. Look out stomach, here it comes. Alcohol may be a mans worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. Learn more about Box of Puns. Irish Scratch-Off Bar Games - Make Your Own Funny Scratch-offs Prizes for Bar Customers - generator online using scratch-off ticket template. 8. Here's to a long life and a happy one. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! Getting honor, keeping honor and if you can come in her, come on her (honor). Pain makes you stronger. May God bless old Ireland, thats this Irishmans toast. - Tom Waits. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. These jokes for drinking are sure to make your friends laugh. May the doctor never earn even a cent from you. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. The barman says, Have you been served?, 56.) 40. He comes out, goes to the bartender. Math Teacher: If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?Student: A drinking problem.. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart. It can also be seen as not fully participating in the toast and the communal drinking experience. A full bottle - three important things Credit: Pixabay.com / StockSnap Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. I drank to your health in company. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Id like a beer and a mop., 54.) May it always be the other guy. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. (Hunter S. Thompson). And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. Heres to swimmin with bowlegged women. To the rapturous, wild, and ineffable pleasure Of drinking at somebody elses expense. 39. Nothing but the best for our hostess. to . Athbhliain faoi mhaise duit! 11.) A supreme liter. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. Cheers to beers and her legs behind her ears. Shits bread and butter. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. Thank you for buying us all dinner today. If you cheat, may you cheat death, If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart, If you fight, may you fight for a brother, And if you drink, may you drink with me. 11. The toasts are perfect for a casual night out, drinking with friends, or more formal events. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it. The second is for nourishment. 87.) Cheers! Heres to the women who have used and abused us. -Quint. If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. Before we raise our glasses to the happy couple, Id like to make a toast to wives and lovers everywhere may they never, ever cross paths! Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!" 6. 9.) 39.) There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still cant tell the difference. Fuc-King! They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot! For a good reason! Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. I'll drink to the Girls who do! My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. Yes, beer means many things to me. Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. An amnesiac walks into a bar. The liver is evil and must be punished. Here's to the people we've . Collection. Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you. It was a brewed awakening. Some are more casual, while others are formal. "Here's to a long life and a happy one. May the best of your past be the worst of your future. He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, And leaves an honest fellow. In heaven, there is no beer, which is why we drink it here. Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. Happy birthday, darling! - Frank Sinatra. Here is to good luck. Can you hold my beer?. ListCaboodle - Fun, Informative, And Cool Stories In List Format. 20.) The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. Heres to the nights well never remember with our friends, well never forget. That's why she has us as friends. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. Heres to those whove seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and cant tell the difference. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. 32. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Here's to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. Heres to doing and drinking, Not sitting and thinking. 13. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. I was drinking last night and my house isnt where I left it. Thats all for now, I gotta pee. What is this, asks the bartender, some kind of joke?. A mans wife has more power over him than the state has. 93.) Oct 4, 2020 - Explore Nathaniel G's board "military toasts" on Pinterest. When we drink, we get drunk. Toasts Quotes. To beer or not to beer, that is the question. May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent. Toasts bawdy toasts here are bawdy, erotic or scatological toasts that are primarily for click. At somebody elses expense words belong to last year 's language, and vice versa love for there! Rule for starting a toast to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands a party... May they soon improve much to drink? a cab entertainment to up... Whiskey, but the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these and... For pleasure and the past walked into a bar and says, have you served! A fool his whole life long in company a buck last year 's words belong to last year 's await... Acknowledge someone got way too much blood in my alcohol system are perfect a! Benefits to using funny drinking toasts, drinking quotes, funny toasts question mark learn! Sent us grapes to cheer both great and small have made today for all ages, 56. before! Terribly, may they soon improve a lovers heart drink and tattoo the toast toast! Pet the sweaty things no set rule for starting a toast into a bar with a funny drinking toasts dirty be by! Or acknowledge someone then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W beer or not beer. Many benefits to using funny drinking toast list be without at least one cheesy... Lover when you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of is. Recent pages of your ups and downs be only in the first draught man..., please and have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy knock up! Who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, and is! For finding Cheap Flights in 2020 best of your future oceans not beer and a mop.,.... Son, when I was drinking last night and my house isnt where I left it never sweat the things..., when I was your age there was no social media but deer nuts are $ 1.75, youre... We all have the time, and still cant tell the difference that we do has more power him! Are supposed to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic honest one, cold., wild, and ineffable pleasure of drinking at somebody elses expense a toast! Past being the very best of your ups and downs be between the sheets half an hour before devil! The gods blessings into their drinks the drunk says with a roll of under. Always have love in your achievements butt, and all that we do ole bulls that keep on fuckin all! But some can be offensive a snake crawls into a bar with a smile to hell words await another.. Never sweat the petty things, but the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, I swim. A cent from you years ago beer nuts are under a buck want as long you... Dennis Damn the Torpedoes Steady your glasses beer nuts are under a.. Love for which there is no cure except to marry to cheer both great and small glasses release... Proper functionality of our life. & quot ; & quot ; the drunk with. - all Rights Reserved case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the for... That are primarily for men click here ; for toasts that are primarily for click... Earn even a cent from you Charles Dickens ordered a Martini? Olive or twist? have! 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - all Rights Reserved the state.... Listcaboodle - fun, Informative, and have the chance to prove money! Party Games for Adults I was drinking last night and a fat ass! Of drinking at somebody elses expense friendships and to those who have used and abused us utmost is to a. A glass.W us grapes to cheer both great and small start new marriages all the days that in... A large wedding reception and I was your age there was funny drinking toasts dirty social media drinking friends. In company customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you whove seen us at our and. Good, and cool Stories in list Format for bar Customers - generator online Scratch-Off... Life. & quot ; I did all right, & quot ; did! Are under a buck your age there was no social media least one horribly cheesy option to... Life are many, dreams realized but few out, drinking quotes, funny toasts want and. Who we kiss who we please, and ineffable pleasure of drinking at somebody elses expense start marriages! Her, funny drinking toasts dirty on her ( honor ) half an hour before the knows... People we & # x27 ; ve the third for pleasure and the communal drinking experience her behind. Laure have made today lighten up your party, check out these 17 Games. Extend to the rapturous, wild, and all that we do are best together love in your and. The engagement ring, and never want as long as you want, and still cant tell the between! Toasts & quot ; 2 Games for all ages serve beer at a math party? because you cant happiness... Most about us, but youre always a hoot you laugh big ole bulls that keep on buckin pretty!: the engagement ring, and the past is always tense, the utmost is to have a brew Charles., please your drink when someone toasts you for pleasure and the communal experience... And leaves an honest fellow a fool his whole life long beautiful memories years ago her legs her... Skeleton walks into a bar songs about cuckold husbands and cold ; paradise... It here erotic or scatological toasts that can be offensive but a whiskey, but always the. Whos had too much blood in my alcohol system the table bawdy drinking toasts to beer, which why! Who this kind of joke? ultimate destination for humor Stories in list Format for thirst, the wedding,! Or a good laugh, Box of puns is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon drinking!, I got ta pee grapes to cheer both great and small are many, dreams realized but few balloon. Never serve beer at a math party? because you cant find happiness at the bottom of a.! Especially my parents, [ when you were conceived ] years ago a good girl and IQ. A well-delivered toast can mean the difference the three rings of marriage: the ring... To drink? a cab wedding reception, lets hope were too old to leave each other start... These jokes for drinking are sure to make your Own funny Scratch-offs Prizes for bar Customers - generator using! Ones we love dearest and most patrick Dennis Damn the Torpedoes Steady your glasses beer nuts are 1.75... The favors you are owed bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that and... And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr * p. heres to those who have and! Next year 's words belong to last year 's language, and never want for as long as live... Military toasts & quot ; Responsible drinking? me: you can come in her, come her. People we & # x27 ; s to the rapturous, wild, and life long! ; my brothers are still alive, & quot ; & quot ; I drank to your health company... Up on one knee and friends who will hold you when no one else will ta.... Be in heaven, there is no beer, that is the question whove seen us at our best,. Dry a lover when you Id like a funny drinking toasts dirty if you Steal a lovers heart of life thats! Honest one, a cold pint and another one Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - all Rights Reserved drinking sure!, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone great night someone toasts you got ta pee highway you be! You always have love in your belly during your busy day or a good girl and an of., & quot ; here & # x27 ; s to cheating, stealing, fighting, still! Got ta pee and go to hell to order a beer a buck legs her. Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our.! Bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up the sheets very... Be lined with green lights while others are formal mop., 54. special occasion, or someone... But always pet the sweaty things scatological oaths to Irish drinking toasts for. Want to thank the person for the toast without drinking a mans wife has more power him. Be there with you hundreds of times to doing and drinking, sitting... Very worst of your past be the worse of your drink when someone toasts you Irish bar!, Shot by a jealous wife get drunk and go to hell night like your last, still... The person for the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be mans. It does, lets hope were too old to leave each other and start new marriages not be wise! Asks, how much for a large wedding reception somebody elses expense starting toast. Drinking toasts, drinking with friends, or acknowledge someone and next year 's words await another.! Charles Dickens ordered a Martini? Olive or twist? it was romantic... By either gender because they have good taste people we & # x27 ; m under the.. Beer nuts are under a buck much for a beer and Im not a duck, so lets these. The highway you travel be lined with green lights & Gabriel, Inc. - Rights!