I know I have feelings for him because just the taught of losing him makes me sick and after everything hes done I still choose him over any other guy. The way you had it in the first place was correct: He has to shape up and then you can see 6 months if he remains clean and sober, having worked through the 12 steps, gotten a sponsor, taken responsibility, acted like a grownup, then maybe you can start to warm up. Its very conflicting hating a person im still in love with and im sorry to anyone else experiencing something like this. Although she told me there are always bunch of people upstairs and the place is uncomfortable. I didnt want to move away and be alone while dealing with issues in our relationship. But about a week after that, we sat down and talked and it was the best conversation weve had in a long time. And I wouldnt just tell I would insult and call her names no one should ever be called. She fell for another girl , her time and attention was consumed by this other person and I started to become angry. Get professional help. You are working on all of it. He recently started to try again but my love is not there. physical self, we always had sex over the phone, But she is giving me an ultimatum I have to pick. She had married; divorced; had 2 kids with an older divorcee; enjoyed dating multiple partners & permitted them to stay overnight & in 2007 she remarried. After that he said we can be friends maybe more as what we had was amazing. I dont know what to do. Intense love can seem so lasting and forever that its almost surrealistic when we realize how quickly it can turn into hate. Several months ago I started falling out of love with him. When hatred wins, relationships crumble. I cry every time I speak to him. Thank you for your time. We stayed together for the baby but I lost him when I was 5 months. So you grow apart. I wasnt interested mostly because I wasnt attracted to the girl. I cannot get past the hurt that I feel. I was in deep depression of my finances, my anger has been a problem I had lost my licence, I lost my job I had which loved. and i look like a liar and a cheater. He knew Id wait for him to get better but he ended up dating some girl even though he didnt like her. Like I said I never had a good example of a man or what to do in a healthy relationship, so for the most part I was kind of clueless on the fundamentals, so I made a lot of rookie mistakes. Hi Alex Can you see that? The kind of trust and respect we had is something that neither of us had ever had with anyone before and is devastating to lose. And we did and he told me his heart wasnt in the relationship with her and he made a bunch of stupid decisions but he loves me so much and hes so sorry and he was a huge mess and told me he had been for a long time. Keep your answers calm and to the point. I wish I could make her see Im not that person and I wish I never went down that road. Before you can help her heal, the REAL question that bothers me is why you even cheated at all if you really love her. But he made the last one GF. My heart and brain are on two different levels right now. Hi Dr. Deb, Then the next he wants me to prove to him Im not controlling or jealous 8 order to be with him.im so lost.then the same girl had a text conversation where shes telling him she doesnt want to be with him and his bashing me and my daughter and begging her to give him a chance and he would never cheat on him.i confronted him and all he did was laugh in my face and say we have something good we just dont live together. When the cheating happened, I did not go out looking to cheat or meet someone else. Hi CCO I just want to find a way to rekindle this relationship. She came home said good night to the kids. Then i screwed up. Four months after his incident, and we are now trying to forgive each other and start a fresh relationship but I still carry resentment. Weve litterly been up all night talking and Ive cried so much that I have no tears left in my eyes. Me having to tend to our newborn. I dont want this to happen. And said things that shouldve never been said just to hurt one another. I didnt tell my husband because i was still mad at him. Hi John My girlfriend always told me that what I played and painted was beautiful but I still lacked contentment in my life. As for where to live, there is such a thing as a roommate service you can look into. I dont know if I should be patient or if I have to do something drastic to save the relationship. Give it some time, work on myself, let her work on herself and then try to slowly contact her then? He has taken off and emptied our bank account and left without word or a call that he is alive and ok for days. Incidentally, good Marriage & Family Therapists are skilled in working with both the individual and the couple. I have no hopes or dreams for today .. let alone tomorrow. I cant ever tell him because once I told him Id kissed another guy and he couldnt take it.I cant imagine telling him I had sex with more than a few guyshe would die or kill someonemy question iswhat do I do??? There are many reasons why we can't be with someone we love. He left again the following week and we didnt talk again. She just sent me bye, nothing more or less and started ignoring me. They text consistently to. She was spending most of her free time with her friends instead of with me. Talked and laughed and have a lot in common. The constant verbal and physical abuse have left me with depression, anxiety, stress, and fear of giving in again. Nelson Mandela It is harder to hate a person after you have prayed for them. Alone. My daughter was very sick even at home. But he has to give up his thoughts about this other person. We were to re-new our vows at the end of October on the very day we said our I Dos. I cheated and had sex with several men. I feel the worst for hurting him like I have. Well my guy found out and he felt I didnt trust him and all hell broke lose, I got angry and to him where his mom his ex and he could go. These two parts are inextricably bound up together, and, as a matter of fact, part two follows from part one. I have become very resentful and have a love hate relationship with him. I Think My Boyfriend Is Cheating I Been Having This Feeling For Sometime Now I Been Going Through His Phone I Dont See Anything But I Also Know He Could Have Deleted It Idk I Have A Really Big Feeling Hes Doing Something Behind My Back That I Dont Know About And Also Lately If We Are On Bad Terms And He Knows Im Hurting And Upset He Goes To Sleep With Out Fixing The Problem And I Be The One Losing Sleep I Really Need Some Advice. I am trying my hardest and am beginning to change into a man that she would want to be with, being comfortable with my current state, getting out of my own head, and realizing that it was not the place I was living in but rather an internal battle of being discontent with myself that led to our fall out. His reactions are not normal. I know hes depressed about his career life and said he cant love anyone until he loves himself and cant be in a relationship right now. The pain hes dealt me is like nothing Ive ever had before. He has had a hard time forgiving me. Your spouse will realize that change goes way beyond no longer being ugly with you. Hate can serve to preserve the closeness of a relationship. He hated the arguements and most of all he felt I had betrayed his trust. He has physically, verbally, and emotionally abused me. I also feel i want to fix our relationship, and i feel like that the most important thing for me right now, and that i want a future together. For him, saying I was leaving was the final straw. The ladt time he was physically, it was bad but I said some EXTREMELY NASTY THINGS & I think that I could have done the same if I had been in his shoes. She says had no more feelings anymore for me.but at the she time maybe its but does me that she still does have feelings for me. I told her that if this is what she needs to do then we will do it. I trusted him. Small town, everyone knew everyone. She said she opens up and I close off and hurt her again and she wants out, she does not want to be intimate ever, ever again and she doesnt want a relationship with me in the future. Next, it is not your job to make him happy. But I love him anyways no matter what . Yes, it is normal for people who were hurt way too much as children to have developed numbness of one sort or another as a protective device. He still was there when i needed him and vice versa. Feelings count! Over time I joined a car club. Toxic messages are verbal abuse and verbal abuse is traumatic. I am so in love with him, he has two daughters that I adore and love. But it kept happening. In the first four years of our marriage, she had multiple online affairs. If only Id been more patient and stayed away from her awhile so she could have been thinking like she said she would. If the man raped you and you were screaming to make him let you go, then you have the possibility of a police involvement. He sought a separate counselor just to deal with the general hurt and to come to terms with acceptance. I still get very emotional jut thinking back to my most vulnerable states and how alone I was. We dated for 2 years and it just ended after she found out I cheated on her a year ago in 2015 while on vacation in Germany. I am so lost. I am truly afraid that the damage has been done and that we will not make it through this, but I refuse to give up on me, on her or on us. He isnt allowed to stay the night with his birth father or his other family. This means that it is the perfect opportunity for your date to see what kind of man you really are because if she sees that you can relax, then theres a good chance she will as well. As he is, he is a safety risk for your kids. I do love her still but I am tired of back and forth. Tonight he broke up with me. So, its GOOD that you have worked on yourself and perhaps it is best to give up on this guy. OK let me know what you think of my situation, I am married with 3 kids and have an amazing wife and most things were great apart from I was a manic depressive, I hurt my wife for a long time and although was never violent it was torture for her. When our wedding song comes on he always wants to slow dance and he tears up but I feel nothing. All these people are people who he has worked with for 15-20 years. And we became friends again. He has worked so hard to go through therapy and rid his life of porn and the addiction of sex. I did not have a choice in the matter. and i never wanted to hurt her i never do. Maybe your therapist is signaling that you should go with your heart. Thank you. Im now at a point that my feelings for him are not the same and my affection and attraction is not there. What happens if years before reading this partner one tries these things and it doesnt work then a few years later after partner one decides to b finished partner two finally decides to try. I did this to prove to her and myself that I love her and she was enough for me and although I had made a mistake in the past , I wanted to be with her and her exclusively. DrDeb, I am not saying her reaction was nice. Hi Dr Deb. We both still love each other immensely. So, being the idiot that I am, kept blaming her messed up childhood, her friends for taking all of her time, and her for not wanting to spend any time with me, and her for not communicating her fears for so long. It was too soon but I dont regret any part of it. Is that pushing him further away from me? And she was a virgin. You can not rush this you must put yourself aside and your feeling and le him handle his. I want to fall back in love but it will never be innocent again. how ever the problem i have is the age difference. Now it has lost me him. Love past the hurt, give her space. If so, THIS is the healing you must first work on. More clear about life in general? Dr. Deb with all this being the case can I prove to him that was not truly me and I can make him happy. Ive been doing this to him, and getting progressively worse, since January. I kiiled what we had, and it was amazing. I guess my question of there is a question is how bad does it have to be until its okay to decide to leave. I cannot understand why I keep doing this. Am I wrong to be upset about this? Every day I saved her multiple times from aspiration. That is why I reach out to her when she is needy. This accomplishes two things: 1. However I understood that she o ices with her man and his parent. Loving each other and really enjoying each other. We live in another country and I recently had to leave to change our visa status. Then we both argued more and things turned physical on one occasion when I hurt her finger during a huge drunken argument in the car. We have taken some counseling and have tried everything. My husbands heart is with someone else. To be with her again cuz I dont believe that luck. He denies anything changing, but its there. He was the first man who treated me well and had no issues with his life. I lied. I dont have specific advice for your friend, but maybe if you start therapy, it will give her reassurance that things can be better. Any advice on how to help her heal and begin to trust me again will be greatly appreciated. And it was an outlet for peace and not dealing with our issues. she has said that she felt this way for almost 2 years. Admittedly, its a very new relationship, but somehow we connected very quickly on a deep level. Good luck! It took him a few days to apologise to me, but when he did, he came to me genuinely upset, crying and telling me how stupid he had been, I should have been his girlfriend all along, it had taken losing me to realise he was in love with me, all I wanted to hear. We ended up back together because I felt the relationship had potential besides what had happened during our break up. Ive been able to rebound each time but it is interfering with our recovery. I dont want to lose him or his girls. Every word he says irritates me. I told him I needed time to heal and I knew I could get past this, but within a day or so he wanted to act like things were fine. I sat a mere 30cm away. I realize what I did was horrible and have apologized over and over.he came to a counselor once but refused to go back. You should be going to NA meetings, do the steps, have a sponsor and have personal therapy. Don't forget that you will live again and love again. Everything was perfect, we had the same goals, the same visions on life, but we did have completely different interests. After we were together for about 2 or 3 years when I threatened to leave he cried and begged apologized etc. I know my decision should be based on him as stats show that will complications like this its destined for doom. When we would fight, it would be legitimate, and itd be resolved in a calm, kind hearted manner. Partner two has either called, came over, text or emailed every day since. Hi millie my name is sherrel, I am in the same situation as you are in. She is at her mums at the moment and said we need space and will come back Tuesday to talk but the impression I get is that it is to sort out the practicalities of next steps not to work things through. and thats what hurts me the most. Sex pretends you are close but it leaves out the everyday thingslike staying with your girlfriend when her grandfather died. You dont want to start a marriage that was wrong from the beginning. She said she just needed to time for her to figure out what she wanted. If you see your significant other as the reason for your loss of personal freedom, you may hate them a little or a lot. I dated this man with the intent of moving on because my partner, then friend, rejected me and told me to move on because he didnt share the same sentiments. This ring is normally purchased prior to the proposal, and its really unique unity candle ideas purpose is to aligned with her wedding ring. You feel exhilarated because after carefully letting down your guard to someone, this person has appreciated having been given the tremendous gift of you. I felt hurt and betrayed but I did not want to fall out of loveI kept thinking positive thoughts about him. Hi DrDeb, I met this guy many years ago in my working times. we have talked about relationships, in particular his. Even when he finally gave inI knew what he was capable of doing to me and I let that stop me from believing or understanding he was hurt. It only happens once in a while, like when i hear a song that reminds me of her. Our relationship when we got back together two years ago was amazing. Save it for the right woman. If it's convinced you that you never want to cheat again, then congratulations! At the initial stages of my relationship with my current boyfriend, things could not have been better. I dont care about the guy that she goes on dates with. I tell her I wanna drop everything and start fresh. I know in my heart I am a good man, She is an amazing woman and I love her dearly. In our last msg, i ask if we can be friends . I know he loves me and says he wants me in his life in the future. But he wouldnt give any terms or promises for the future. The grief process will take you through stages where you'll lose and regain your faith. My husbands reasoning was better education opportunities for our daughters. You dont need that. Hi DrDeb, I started going to therapy and it has done wonders. I would really appreciate some advise. If you lack confidence already, this will be a further blow to your self-esteem. hes a businessman and his business is demanding him too much, we only communicate over the phone and chat on social networks. We tried to make it work but it was never the same. After talking with her and picking away to try to understand what is bothering her she has told me that she does not love me intimately anymore but she loves me as the son of our Father. Anything and everything sets us off to an unnecessary fight and argument these days. Duh, but I Needed Someone To Be there to complain to which I did. He thinks I always want to argue about little things. You have written quite a long letter. If you've ever loved, you know that you can hate a person you love. My daughter and I moved back into the home a week ago, and I can see that my husband really is trying to make changes, but for me it seems too little, too late. We keep hurting each other and it just goes back and forth to get back at one another. Loving Someone Quotes. I do love him. We broke up afterward for 4 months, within those months we managed to talk, we ended up getting back together, we love eachother and it was one mistake that I will never do again. I will always regret the way I left her by herself back home, sacrificing all the things about her I truly love for my own self absorbed adventure, but hey, were young and we need to live our lives a little right? I feel helpless dnt know what to do? I turned & walked back into his office & simply continued to calculate the amount of money & time hed spent calling her each day. https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, You can find more information about bipolar on this page: He was very light-hearted around her at each meeting & I could see his colour rise & the change in his voice & body language towards her whenever we visited. Hi C What do I do? He has said all along that this has never been about him not loving methat he does. Your irritation is going to make her bottle things more! Thank you! about 5 months ago i met this amazing woman. The first time we met in person he thought he had my number and was a royal dick to me. Spark a Love Connection I would go to his moms house and it was like a shrine to the ex. He is calm, he usually gets angry when I confront him with things like this, he tells me you didnt do anything to deserve this, Im done I wont do it again. 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