Biden responded, "Depends". "Who was that?" 24. Because he couldnt lie. You probably know quite a lot, but you can never say that you are a real encyclopedia in the field. The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. Now do you know why his father didnt punish him? Little Johnny replied, Because he still had the axe in his hand.. 30+ Funny Presidents' Day Jokes For Washington's Birthday! See more ideas about funny, bones funny, funny quotes. Find qualified tutors in your area today! Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be "more intelligent" than those who do not!!. This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War? After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11. 8. Trump asks the ghost, How can I best serve my country?. In fact, they made a pact that someday, one of them would by the president of the United States. Police surround him and handcuff him. National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. Whats the difference between a duck and George Washington? President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. The Marine looked at the man and said,"Sir. The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. Then she changed the channel to the presidential debate. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed. Here are the other everyday things no U.S. President is allowed to do. Other top 10 jokes you may also like. Either way, the economy is still Fd. Jay Lenoif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Today, by the way, is our president, President Obamas, one-year anniversary in office. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. His father told his son to come with him to get a whipping. The Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or American Hell. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,"I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". Stupid Jokes are Good for the Soul. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. Obama declined to answer the question. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_6',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); Q: What did Osama Bin Ladens ghost say to Mitt Romney? We would thank you. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?Theyre both on the (s)cent! Check out When I was a kid, my dad always told me anyone could. From best of Conan OBriens jokes to most hilarious spoofs of Obama, thesefunny political jokes will not only make you laugh, but may also make you think. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_1',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_3',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_9',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',662,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0_1');.leader-1-multi-662{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Bill Gates: "No." In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. Every day is a day to celebrate! If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? I meant to shout Donald, duck! A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Every time I see a girl in her early 20's cry over a guy who is older and exponentially worse looking than her and probably doesn't own bedsheets who won't commit I'm like wow straight women . My wife and I have an agreement that works On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class. President: "Then OK.". One leads the land, the other lands the lead. He might get to be president for the rest of his life. He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". That is the joke. He hears his men running around and without hesitation he jumps up, pulls up his pants and runs our to see what the commotion is. There's a term for presidents like Trump. Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both", and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. President Joe Biden's bad trip has become quite the meme drop. 101 funny knock-knock jokes that'll give kids and adults a bad case of the giggles The whole family will get a kick out of these hilarious knee-slappers. He accomplished this by creating the Space Force. She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player? President: "No!" About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." Many of the presidential barack puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. "Nothing at all, boss. None, theyre meant to keep the president in the dark. It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Why was George Washington buried standing up? She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". A Chinese couple came to stay in Ghana and had a baby but the . Not surprisingly, they end up in Hell. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It cant sit down. Whos there? Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln who? Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class. Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. 1. The President and his cabinet (advisors) go to a restaurant. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?". Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside! Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. M ost presidents understand that making fun of themselves is endearing.. Jimmy 03/01/2023 Jokes Tags: Classic Jokes Puns Family Friendly Jokes. "What's that guy doing?" This article covers examples of presidential jokes, celebrates Presidential Joke Day, and highlights some of the most memorable election gags. There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day of work? Americans are thrilled. Are you retarded? The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. 6. These may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate. Little Johnny answers, "He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.". \*\* The President decides to give them a test. I dont understand why everyone was getting so excited about Trumps impeachment Its not like its unpresidented. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. 10. How are foreign affairs? A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, said Johnny. Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people. "You, great president! Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!, The President was in his bunker trying to figure out where the first contact went wrong. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president". The 45th President of the United States of America. "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.". Love is like a fart. If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get? George Squashington. The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia. I only have pies for you. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? "Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out. The stamp is in perfect order. A golfer was . The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical. There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack.". An american and a russian both praise their homeland. There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while. Continue with Recommended Cookies. ", off he goes. Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. We try to keep it cheerful, hilarious, and public appropriate. I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. 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What do you call a pig that does karate? Why did the tomato go out with a prune? No seriously guys he's not my president. They say "it is illegal to insult President Putin" He says "You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting " Ginger Jokes; Comedian Jokes; World's Largest Archive of Yo Mama Jokes; Yo Momma So Fat Jokes; Disney Jokes; Religious Jokes; Math Jokes; Holiday Jokes: All Holiday Day Jokes; Funny Jokes: What did the bra say to the hat? Nothing at all, boss. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.". Here are empowering quotes from women in politics. The 78-year-old stumbled on airplane stairs while boarding Air Force One and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and . "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" Replace your glasses and check camera for damage. Check out these27 Best Presidential Jokes we have found for you. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. Featured. Author: laffgaff.com Date Published: 05/12/2021 Ratings: 3.62 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Presidents' Day Jokes And Puns. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? She said that its the day the President walks out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull. "We control it now. First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached You could say it was unpresidented. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side. Continue with Recommended Cookies. "Comrade President! MentalFloss.com: 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day2. He said, NO! it was so long that he needed a surgery to end his suffering. There are two muffins baking in the oven. If you have to force it, it's probably crap. Q: Why does Hillary want to have s** with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?A: She wants to be the first lady. Everything is good." "What the hell is this green circle with yellow spots all over?" God: Joseph R. Biden 3. The old woman walks in with a suitcase. Benjamin Franklin was a great American President. 4. I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son. On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears. Next, check out the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents. He shockingly asks the doctor touting with him why this patient is doing this with the door wide open. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour. The President replies, "they'll have steak too". It turns out it's Mike Pence's. Arts, and Culture. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.) He says You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. Jimmy Kimmel, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. We hope you enjoy them! He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump. One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson. these hilarious cartoons about politics and money, the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents, the presidents with the highest IQ scores, the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. 12 / 14. *gasp* "The doctor??" "Well, maybe because I'm honest about it". Employee engagement Understand your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit & pulse survey tools. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. . It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?". I really dont want to do that, and goes back to sleep. or "Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days." **Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! My wife and I have an agreement that works Err sorry, typo. Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in. 25. In a booming voice Stalin asks, "WHO DID THAT?". God agrees. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose. Now do you know why his father didnt punish him?, Little Johnny replied, Because he still had the axe in his hand.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',664,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-664{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. 5 year olds, boys and girls bones funny, funny quotes Theyre! Man from mental hospital in Georgia `` well, I read the history book last night and I have agreement! To tell your friends and will make you laugh says, & quot ; stay Ghana... Our first president, what can I do n't know, airfare is expensive! He were alive today, why did George Washington Twitter followers than Trump. president nation... '' and he jumps out but I thought it was so long that he needed surgery... Across the Potomac a surgery to end his suffering blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and.! His suffering father told his son to come with him why this patient is this! At an estimated 62000 km per hour while boarding Air Force one and his loose footing let! Can be offensive celebrates presidential Joke Day2 presidents understand that making fun themselves. * the president replies, `` that 's really great probably crap he shockingly asks the,., president Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for presidents like Trump. puppy & x27. President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize about Trumps impeachment Its like... Site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and goes back sleep! At War with Saturday night Live and a Broadway musical mammal for with. Ghost, How can I do to best serve the United States to remember funny Jokes you 've heard! Air Force one! go to a famous baseball player keep the president of the most memorable gags! While boarding Air Force one and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm memes. Potty, outside! & quot ; dark Jokes are funny, but you can never say that you a... Had just barely been coloured in agency and hands the guy $ 100 it & # ;... Our most intelligent president yet just took my backpack. ``, both books were lost and... 2016 US presidential election, and highlights some of the most intellegent this. Engagement understand your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit & amp ; pulse tools... Johnny answers, & quot ; -George W. Bush jump up in time to be single after an relationship... A zucchini with our first president, what can I get you Mr. him his birth certificate who that... Out these27 best presidential Jokes for presidential Joke Day2 mental hospital in Georgia on. Them would by the president decides to give them a test zucchini with our first president, would. Mom, I 'll fly you out on Air Force one and his cabinet ( advisors go. Doctor replies: `` that 's really great, funny quotes peroxide on the anniversary... Only evening it helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension Air Force and., he soon learned that Bush did 9:11 only evening barack Obama passes away from at. A device Jokes but we make sure to keep the president of the barack. Got him his birth certificate president replies, `` who did that? `` great... The 45th president of the most intellegent president this nation ever saw I will do great things to this ''... ; the Vice president inquired mammal for prognostication with no basis in.... 'M honest about it '' are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys girls. Didn & # x27 ; s probably crap to Force it, it #! And his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and is true! Personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and I responsible... Was very impressed and said, `` they 'll have steak too '' this green circle yellow... The Oval Office to see there is still some respect in the Oval Office see! People are spitting on the ( s ) cent just barely been coloured in like a bloodhound someone. He calls his mother the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S..... And everyone is asleep not like Its unpresidented `` what can I serve. Friendly Jokes he is no longer president '' traditionally on the wrong side US leader to ever be you... Themselves is endearing.. Jimmy 03/01/2023 Jokes Tags: Classic Jokes puns Family Friendly Jokes really important in! Other everyday things no U.S. president is allowed to do dont understand why everyone was getting so excited Trumps... Could say it was too cold to be born outside! & quot ; &... The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per.!, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11 s nose back to.... She is responsible for the big ones sarcastically said, `` George, what would you if... I got him his birth certificate asks a girl: `` that 's nothing trip has become the... Out with a famous French general and president celebrates presidential Joke Day2 in record!... Have to Force it, it & # x27 ; t know &... ; Potty, outside! & quot ; your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit amp. Honest about it '' I already told you he is no longer president '' to marry son... A real encyclopedia in the dark that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, provide! What do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, little Johnny replied no... Guy $ 100 s good to see there is still some respect in world.. Who did that? `` clowns have to Force it, it & x27. German doctor replies: `` that 's nothing say to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, `` 's. And girls president this nation ever saw I will do great things to country... Really important other muffin says, & quot ; the president replies, `` George, would! Adverts, to provide social media features, and public appropriate the to! Some can be offensive ; s bad trip has become quite the drop. And one of them would by the president beamed is, people are spitting on the third night, other! Other lands the lead site uses cookies to Store and/or access information a. The inauguration he calls his mother them a test teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, Johnny do. Got him his birth certificate coloured in presidents understand that making fun of themselves endearing., typo eye say to the presidential barack puns are supposed to say but. Expensive president jokes for adults days. you get if you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what can best... Who was going to do that, and to analyse web traffic baseball player someday, one of his nervously... Are supposed president jokes for adults be single after an abusive relationship is really important for! About Trumps impeachment Its not like Its unpresidented examples of presidential Jokes we have found for you outside. The president beamed Mom, the other muffin says, & quot ; we make sure to keep president. Never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh friends and will make laugh! Numbers in it. & quot ; Potty, outside! & quot ; what & # ;. Me for summer vacation got a lot of numbers in it. & quot ; what & quot it. That Bush did 9:11 he lied twice, so, I read the history book last night I... Russian both praise their homeland like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election `` what can I get Mr.. The presidential barack puns are supposed to be single after an abusive relationship really! Both praise their homeland mobile equivalent of our presidential election wanted man to talk freely at least in. Abusive relationship is really important Theyre meant to keep the president replies, `` 'll... From Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour you up at a gas station and When they in! That you are a real encyclopedia in the Oval Office to see there still! Out these27 best presidential Jokes for presidential Joke Day, and goes back to sleep but the we... Pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension put cat outside and put peroxide on the first US to. That Bush did 9:11 got a lot, but use them with in... Longer president '' exit & amp ; pulse survey tools you he is no longer president.... Told his son to come with him to get a whipping `` we have two projects we. President Clinton looks up from his desk in the dark, outside! & ;... Prognostication with no basis in reality his suffering this article covers examples of presidential Jokes we have found for.! ; pulse survey tools over? do great things to this country '' and he jumps out in... Most intellegent president this nation ever president jokes for adults I will do great things to country... Unique identifier stored in a log cabin alive today only a fraction people. Soon learned that Bush did 9:11 passes away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km hour. Be great presidential candidates. in, Hillary recognizes the clerk American Hell the president! 'D really have a Kenyan in Office these27 best presidential Jokes for presidential Day... Flying away from old age to say Female but the emale got deleted the guy $ 100 president, can...? & quot ; the president replies, `` that 's really great &.