#1. That lasted about 6 months for us and about 2 years for me to get over. To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. So my father comes home after hearing all of this from my mother at each stage of the day..and I'm laying there sicker than a dog after vomiting all day longand he comes to the door way and just looks at meand me at himthinking he was going to say he was sorry for not believing me and making go to swim workout with 104 degree temperature and just stares at me with this blank lookand then turns around and walks away and never mentions it again or ever says one word to me about that day ever? The codependent wife moved back without his help and then he said he wasn't going back to therapy after one session. tl;dr - My wife doesn't care that I am unwell and I have no idea how to approach her about this behavior. Theyve been together for 15 I was shaking so badly, but I didmake it down the hill, and didn't speak to him the rest of that day. You are doing a good job of differentiating yourself from your partner and I applaud that - best to be able to stand on your own two feet whether or not your partner is paying attention to you. I was really pissed and hurt that he didnt seem to care. So my son went to school all day long and aftercare in pain and fatigue, came home and suffered with massive headaches and widespread pain,which got worse at first with treatment. I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while she's going through the flu or whatever. Then he could fix all this stuff on his own, on his own timing, but it didn't happen. You go about your life, your work and leave me to deal with the insurance companies and doctors. Thank you for reminding me that it's me and my wife with each other now. Third possible explanation: your wife doesn't want to get sick and thus avoids you? I brought up water, Gatorade, and saltines, got him anti nausea meds, and told him to call or text if he needed me, but I was taking care of the kids who were puking Also, you aren't following proper stomach bug protocol Google it, first start with ice or very small sips of water. In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. I had to get used to crutches, and taking care of the house, cooking, etc, was difficult for me. He is talented but can't hold a job with benefits so I work despite having health issues. Now I'm going to get sick! You carry on, steady through the storm. That is my H 100%! WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. Very very low tolerance since this is completely unforgivable as it should be? I guess he didn't want to try facebook or instagram messaging because then she'd see what he's up to. SO has said they're sorry this happened, and it's probably worse for me - so they know they don't know how I feel. Do you have kids that were sick too? Effective at making you get better because it was boring as shit. When he had resistant sinus infections that were painful I let him sleep and rest, I forced him to take his antibiotics that were still in the cupboard when they came back and he seemed to be dying on the couch, I forced him to go back to the ENT and demanded he book surgery to get his nose cleaned out, as he had resistant sinus infections that were really dangerous- Klebsiella and Serratia marceneses. 3. (pleasantly though, I LOVE MY DAUGHTER, and am glad she was born) My example is though, that people really DON'T want long term consequences for their actions, and in today's world, excuses and denials are what so many folks use to get "out of" having to live with the results of their own actions. I agree. Fortunately, I feel a little better now. Interesting how blame is still the "go to" tool in their arsenal of engagement. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. His sister died from alcoholism about 8 years ago, she was only 51. But, with him, its more fun to ridicule and get angry at others because he's been inconvenienced in some way, and then he can get out his disapproval of having to be made to wait, instead of doing what HE wanted to do, right THEN. The Empathy/Systemising Quotient deals with the degree of emotional engagement vs systemising - an analytical deconstruction of inputs and outputs. I wouldnt listen to your family they dont know anything and arent listening to you. Devoid of anything? I'm not sure about what's being discussed about men. He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. NOTHING HELPED. Submitted by AdeleS6845 on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 08:44. I gotvery sick from what I ate. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. And I also think- woe is the day he gets something as (he has never been sick a day in his life)I am not going to feel very compassionate. Thats it. But I believe I am blessed with many friends. I will not call for a man when I am sick. He finally, after our friends begged him to get therapy so he wouldn't lose a good woman, said he would go. Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. I suppose the bottom line is that we have to decide what we will tolerate and make life decisions based on our limits. But you dont care. There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. I do attribute it to a personality disorder though, and not the ADHD, I see him as cold and heartless. She doesn't care that I am in pain because she feels my feelings are unfounded. (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. Submitted by Jr4par83 on Mon, 11/23/2020 - 21:27. AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally Any other time, is when he's lecturing me about his "thoughts" of what he is or isn't going to DO about something, but never any talk or inter-personal connections on things. His mother died in a plane crash, this would finish him off if I left, etc. And all my dh could do was go on and on about how much the window was going to cost to replace it, and it was all my fault. Oops! It seems to be the only time that a man can show weakness and it doesn't reflect his character. Good point. If she chooses to start an argument or to not be sympathetic, you can suggest counseling together. For example, my husband pulled the kids card every holidayas a way to justify seeing his family far more than mineuntil I put a stop to it. In the second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect. Our daughter just had surgery overseas. Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. If I'm sick or hurt (e.g. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Submitted by vabeachgal on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:25. I don't trust him now, and I have good reason not to. explicit permission. My experience with ADD people is they are takers. When you're feeling a little better just tell her how it makes you feel when she ignores you when you don't feel well or are injured. Sorry guys, I just had to vent and get it out of my system. I don't believe the behavior is intentional in my case. If you do decide children are for you, there are going to be times when you have the barf pooos and you still have to entertain kids, make meals, and continue parenting while I'll. This is a great take. (and the smell, yuck) Even his clothes smell like old grease. That's absurd. I have learned that I am valuable independentlyand I have a great job, great family and friends and that my life is NOT about simply about him and he no longer makes my world go round, I do. We can't FIX some of this stuff on our own. Love. But we are talking about a lack of engagement here, right? It gets to you after a while I feel lonely most of the day I get really depressed he wants me to clean up all the time when he goes (figues) but I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety it's hard for me to get up to doing simple tasks it's even harder when I have to do it on my own. anytime I am not taking care of all of the chores (he works and comes home and rests-) he is vile. When I'm sick no one asks what I need to make me less miserable. All I had to do was pay for the meal prep, and pick up the meals. Then I proceded to ( vomit all day and my my took me in to see the Doctor who told her that I had a rare case of the Mumps that went into my intestines ) and gave her some pills? He is withdrawing from you, and youre feeling alone. He will do things like say "You are not sick!!" Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. I agree his kids should come first. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. My hu Many years ago I had appendicitis. When I'm sick, yes. I think it is mostly that I hate to ask people to do things/get things for me. How many people have you slept with in your life?? You never waver. I don't like this skeptical, harder person I've become, but I had to for self survival. Sometimes it's commitment to dinner hour where you discuss things together (rather than eating alone). | I'm glad that's 'not in your nature'except that it is. It CHANGED ME, and I'm not who I used to be. Reach out in an inviting way. Yeah, I remember when she was sick and I was doing everything for her as I just let her rest. But it's certainly something that could have become a serious problem if we didn't communicate. But one person doing all the nice things, loving things is very hard and eventually we all get tired of begging. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. I only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their story without fear of retribution or being attacked. 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